Throughout life, many of us women are taught to express love outwards – to be kind to others, to share, to show others compassion and empathy. But when it comes to giving ourselves love and attention, it usual tends to be much more difficult. I want to share parts of my journey towards self-love and my thoughts why it’s so crucial to everyone of us.

8th of March, 8 years ago

There I was, excited, a bit nervous and at the same time very serious. The place was Rio de Janeiro and I was about to get engaged to my man.

I remember my strong commitment to become his wife, how I wanted our marriage to be happy and long lasting.

I had a strong wish to give him all my love. What was very hard to confess back then was that I also had a lot of expectations how he should love me back.

Today it’s International Women’s Day and I take some time to reflect what I, as a woman, have learned from being married.

A woman’s common mistake

I made a mistake. My mistake was that I forgot to also make a commitment to myself.

“First commit to love yourself before you ask someone else to love you”

I was so focused on our relationship that I forgot my own needs. Almost whatever served our marriage, I was ready to compromise for.

My wish that our marriage should be “a happy one” was overshadowing any form of real self-care.

What I did not get back then was that you can’t care for others if you don’t care for yourself first.

How our focus can change in a relationship

I had recently moved to a new city where my man lived. I had a lot of expectations on us, on him. I had moved to be with him and I used most of my energy to make things work.

He kept on living his life. I forgot about mine.

I felt lonely. I felt disappointed.

Where was the vibrant woman whose aliveness everyone wanted to be around?

My commitment to our marriage and my love to my husband made me blind towards my own needs, to what I really needed to be fulfilled.

Mistakes are the best door openers for new learnings

Today I see that my mistake has lead me to this very essential learning:

There will be no movement in our partnership/marriage as long as we don’t make self-love the priority in our lives. And when we are able to start loving ourselves, we make it possible for others to love us too.

I believe that there is one common misunderstanding. A lot of people see loving yourself as selfish or self-centered. On the contrary, loving yourself deepens your ability to care for others.

Moving forward

The first step towards growth and movement in our lives is awareness. With awareness come thousands of possibilities, and also thousands of challenges. It’s when it’s easy to say, “I don’t want to become more aware”.

I encourage every woman to follow the self-love journey. It’s a hard journey and it includes a great deal of discomfort. But it’s so very rewarding and it’s the most beautiful gift you can give to yourself.

If we want the world to become a friendlier place for women, we need to start with looking into how much love and care we give ourselves first.

Today

I feel connected. I feel responsible.

I am responsible for my well-being.

A couple of months ago I stepped into my light and fully showed up. I decided to never hide in the shadow again.

What does “step into your light “mean?

If you observe small children, you often see their unconditionally smiling and curious faces. Life is pretty simple. They just are. They shine.

They are in their light.

They don’t wish to hide anywhere, from anything. They don’t have any thoughts popping up in their heads like:

“You shouldn’t smile too much, people might be envy”

“Don’t be so loud, it’s not polite”

“Don’t laugh that much, people may think it’s something wrong with you”.

I read an article recently “Young girls as early as 6, start to doubt their own brilliance”. The article referred to a study made at the University of Illinois.

I was shocked and sad to read that some girls step out of their light so early in life. At the age of 6 they already have doubts if they are worthy to stay in their light, to shine, to speak up, to share their unique gifts with the world and to be proud of their accomplishments.

My daughter just turned 5 and it’s a good reminder for me to do all I can to support her in being okay with just the way she is.

It’s never too late to return to our light

To step into your light as an adult, means:

“Returning to the state what it was like before the world told us who we should be”

How can we return to our light?

Around three years ago I started my personal development journey. Small steps lead to big changes. I opened up for the unknown. Without hardly any resistance I looked beyond my identity. I started to uncover the endless masks I used over the years.

My past was challenging me and I often heard the voice demanding me to go back to the shadow- to suffering and hiding. I learned not to let the past have power over me. I dealt with the blockages, which were in the way to return to my light again.

You can try to set off on this journey alone, but my experience taught me that it’s better to start with asking for help. Having a companion, like a Life Coach, who mirrors your behavior, is priceless.

The challenge with showing up

Last summer I went on a retreat on Crete. It was there, during one of the exercises it really shifted for me. I was back in my light.

I returned home and during a couple of months I was in a state of total bliss.

I experienced standing in my light for the first time in my adult life.

I was joyful, playful and it was just fabulous!

There were many days when I spontaneously started to dance with my daughter in our kitchen.

Until universe send me something new to learn

I started to feel distanced towards some of my friends and family. What I saw was, how quickly I wanted to go back to my shadow just to make other people feel better. So we could be on the same level and hide together.

The fear hit me

I believe that this quote by Marianne Williamson, describes very well what was going on.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us.”

What a relief that there are so many powerful and inspiring women out there who guide us when we lose our way.

Overcome fear- choose creation

I decided to make something creative out of my new state of being instead of listening to the voice of fear. My creation was a workshop for a group of women in Berlin, which I organized with very little preparation. It was a success.

Envy. Questions. Silence.

I was being challenged.

When I read this quote by Paulo Coelho, my soul smiled.

“Relax. Haters are confused admirers trying to understand why so many people love you.”

It’s time to show up with all of our colors

I believe that stepping into our light and fully show up, is the most important contribution we can give to this world.

To show up as we really are, with all of our colors. Not every color is beautiful, but this is who we are. No more pretending, no masks, just us- naked.

The light does not lie

We will be confronted with new issues. We will open new wounds, which need healing, and we will discover parts of ourselves, which we do not yet know. All the denied parts of ourselves will get attention and be able to breathe again.

I believe we will become less tired, less exhausted and less sick. We will free energy, energy that was used to hold back parts of us we did not want to show.

Join the journey and start living your truth

I have arrived at one destination and now I am continuing to the next one.

How about you?

Where are you in your life right now?

If you are ready to go to the next level of becoming free to be yourself, I offer one-to-one sessions either in my practice in Berlin or via Zoom.

Drop me an email info@katarina-stoltz.com.

It’s your time to shine!

Love, 

JOY- LIGHT- FLOW

These are my core feelings the day after I hosted my first life coaching workshop “Create a year you love” at JuggleHub in Berlin. I had the pleasure to co-create it with 15 beautiful women from around the world.

I’m so touched by the openness these women showed me, and how they fully trusted the unknown. I feel really hopeful seeing their willingness to look at themselves from a new perspective.

The main topic was, how to set goals from our hearts and create more self-care and connection in our lives. I believe that there is ONE main thing to do and look at to avoid stress, conflicts and unhealthy living in general- and that is self-care.

It’s easy to get caught up in a busy schedule and balancing work, family, friends and other commitments. It takes up a lot of energy and leaves little time for ourselves. If we don’t take care of ourselves, we will end up worn out and not being able to care for others. Maybe even get a burn out.

That’s why I’m out on a mission to inspire other women to follow the journey I started about 3 years ago- the INNER JOURNEY. It’s about living your truth and becoming free to be yourself.

If you are interested to be part of it, please like my page

https://www.facebook.com/katarinastoltzcoaching/

If you are ready to start living your truth and become free to be yourself, I offer one-to-one coaching sessions either in my practice in Berlin or via Skype.

Drop me an email info@katarina-stoltz.com

Feedback from the participants of my workshop:

“I absolutely loved it. It was different from other workshops that focus more on teaching. Here I really had an experience, with others and myself. You made everyone feel so comfortable by being you-truthful and approachable. You are MADE for creating this kind of safe and heart spaces!”

“I truly enjoyed Katarina’s workshop. It was inspiring, fun, heart warming and intelligent. I would deeply recommend it to anyone who wants to reconnect with their heart’s desire”

“Thank you so much for giving me the time to reflect on very essential things in my life that I always tend to push away from me with the excuse of lack of time”

I am deeply touched!

How our belief system influences us

Growing up in Sweden I was early confronted with the belief that people should not be too proud and loud about their success.

In the end of my 20’s, I left Sweden and moved to Poland. There I was surrounded by a culture, where people showed a lot of pride and it was hard to find someone who was not louder than me!

A couple of years ago I moved to Germany. Here I am being confronted with the same belief system, with which I grew up with.

Stop talking to small thinkers

Last week I proudly shared a success with a group of people in Berlin. However, I was not met with a very supporting or loving feedback. At first I was surprised and disappointed. Later I started looking into what I could learn from it.

I am being confronted to heal something from my past

A friend advised me “share your ideas with people who are as adventurous as you are.”

I read a blog by Fabienne Fredrickson with the title “stop talking to small thinkers” where the author addresses the issue how dangerous it might be to share your revolutionary ideas and big dreams with small thinkers.

“One of the biggest dream killers is asking advice of people who’ve never done what you’re trying to achieve, who’ve never taken big risks and who have never had the courage to step outside of their own comfort zone to achieve their own potential for greatness.”

With every new insight comes a new challenge

What I learned from last weeks experience is that I will share my successes with people who are as adventurous as me, or with people who are working on bringing out their adventurous child.

Germany is the perfect place for me to be – to heal the wound that screams,

“I am too much.”

I believe that the collective thinking in Germany tells us that we should “fit in” (anpassen). This approach really challenges me to practice accepting who I am.

I will always be “too much” for someone. I start to accept that.

Create a network of supporting friends

One of my promises for 2017 is to identify my people. That means to me, being surrounded with people who bring out the best in me.

People who love seeing me grow, who wish me well, who see my vulnerability as a strength – not as a weakness. People who believe that success is something beautiful and something worth sharing and not something I shall hide.

“Create a tribe with people who say YES to possibilities” – Danielle Laporte

And yes, there are times when holding back our successes can be appropriate. But we are too good at that, so let’s practice showing up in our full pride.

It’s time to celebrate life! 

Today I am celebrating that my workshop, which I am hosting next week, is fully booked!

I feel proud, honored and so inspired of what life provides me when I take a step out of my comfort zone.