
Break Free from ‘Should’ and Reclaim Your Life
TIME TO THRIVE BLOG
Break Free from ‘Should’ and Reclaim Your Life
Are you stuck in a cycle of “shoulds”? Those quiet expectations—I should stay, I should be grateful, I should push through—can seem harmless. But over time, they disconnect you from your truth. In this blog post, we’ll explore how “should” thinking keeps high-achieving women stuck, and how one honest moment can begin to shift everything.
What are the “shoulds” in life—and why do they keep us stuck?
“I should be further along in my career.”
“I should be happy—he’s a really good guy.”
“I should take that job—it will look good on paper.”
Sound familiar?
It’s so easy to dismiss our needs with a “should” statement. And you’re not the only one fighting this inner battle.
“Shoulds” are internalized rules—often inherited from family, culture, and our younger selves—that dictate how we think life is supposed to go. But these rules rarely reflect what’s true for us now. Over time, they create lives that look impressive on the outside but feel disconnected underneath.
Why do we ‘should’ on ourselves?
Most of us didn’t wake up one day and decide to live from “should.”
We were trained into it—rewarded for politeness, praised for people-pleasing, and quietly discouraged from telling the full truth.
But sometimes, life hands us a mirror. And often, that mirror looks like someone who still remembers how to speak from the heart.
That moment came for me on a recent family trip to Venice.
We had just arrived in Munich. The sun was shining, we’d ordered schnitzel, and I felt a wave of gratitude toward my husband, who had initiated a road trip to Italy over Easter.
My happy moment was interrupted by:
“I’m not looking forward to this trip.”
My 13-year-old daughter isn’t the polite, conforming, well-behaved, emotion-swallowing kind of girl. She speaks the truth—unfiltered.
You know, that kind of truth we all used to speak once. Some of us lost that voice as early as age seven. Some were lucky to keep it a little longer. And some were even luckier and never lost it at all.
Most of my clients come to me wanting to reconnect with that voice—the voice that follows their inner truth rather than the desire to please everyone else. This is the voice that helps them know:
- Whether they’re in the right job
- If it’s time to change careers
- If their relationship is still the right one
- If they want to become parents
Hearing my daughter express her unhappiness, my own inner “top dog” authoritarian voice whispered:
“You should be grateful we’re taking you to one of the most beautiful cities in Europe.”
But I kept it to myself.
I’ve learned the pain of that top-dog upbringing—how I slowly silenced my own expression until my face looked numb in every holiday photo.
So instead, I swallowed the old “should” and looked at her and said,
“I hear you’re not looking forward to this trip.”
And really—who could blame her? She’s in 7th grade, with all kinds of exciting things happening among her peers. At this age, she’s far more influenced by her friends than her parents. She couldn’t yet imagine how much she’d love Venice.
It’s so easy to jump in and tell our children, partners, friends or colleagues how they should feel.
Because when we do that—we don’t have to sit with their discomfort. Or our own. There is nothing as uncomfortable as facing the truth of how we really feel deep down in our core.
But here’s the thing: it’s the only portal out of stuckness and indecision. If we’re not honest about how we feel in our job or relationship, we stay on the edge of fully living.
We miss out on a meaningful life.
That moment with my daughter reminded me: if we want to find clarity, we have to tell the truth. First to ourselves, then to the world.
What Is the Danger of ‘Should’?
“Should” sounds logical. Mature. Even selfless.
But the more we use it, the more we distance ourselves from what we actually want or need.
It’s how we stay:
- Trapped in high-status jobs that drain us
- Committed to relationships we’ve outgrown
- Stuck in versions of ourselves that no longer feel true
We become over-functioning and under-feeling. And over time, the cost is not just burnout—it’s a quiet, persistent numbness.
What Is the Tyranny of ‘Shoulds’?
Psychoanalyst Karen Horney coined the phrase “tyranny of the shoulds”—that inner dictatorship that tells us how we must act, feel, and succeed in order to be “good enough.”
It’s the voice of perfectionism. The fuel of burnout. And the enemy of authenticity.
Because when you live by shoulds, your life doesn’t feel like yours. It feels like a performance.
And deep down, you know you were made for more.
What Can I Replace ‘Should’ With?
Try this shift in your inner dialogue:
- “I want…”
- “I feel…”
- “I choose…”
- “I’m curious about…”
“I should stay—it looks good on paper.” → “I want to feel proud of how I spend my time.”
“I should be grateful.” → “I feel conflicted. I want to understand why.”
This isn’t about rebellion. It’s about reclaiming your truth.
How Do I Get Rid of ‘Should’? (Hint: You Don’t Have to Force It)
You don’t have to eliminate every “should.” You just need to notice it.
When it shows up—pause. Get curious. Ask:
What would become possible if I stopped limiting myself here?
You don’t need to have an answer right away. Just creating that space is enough. Let the truth whisper. Let it tug at you gently. That’s often how clarity begins.
What Becomes Possible When You Start Trusting Yourself?
This is where it gets exciting.
You might:
- Redesign your career to reflect who you are now—not who you were 10 years ago
- Make time for what actually nourishes you
- Choose relationships that energize, not deplete
- Feel more grounded, more clear, more you
And maybe—for the first time in a long time—you’d feel free.
If that idea lights something up in you, sum it up in just one sentence. Like:
I will finally ask for a raise so I can buy my dream home.
I will quit and find a job that reflects my values.
I will write that book I’ve been dreaming about for years.
Ready to Stop Should-ing All Over Your Life?
If you’re done living for expectations and ready to live from a place of truth, I’d love to support you.
Book a free discovery call to explore what your next chapter could look like—one that’s aligned, alive, and yours. Click here to schedule.
Because the world doesn’t need more people following the rules.
It needs more people who have come fully alive.
Love

I’m Katarina
Welcome to my blog, where I share real-life stories and offer valuable and practical tips for how to achieve fulfillment without burning out.
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