Make self-love your priority

Throughout life, many of us women are taught to express love outwards – to be kind to others, to share, to show others compassion and empathy. But when it comes to giving ourselves love and attention, it usual tends to be much more difficult. I want to share parts of my journey towards self-love and my thoughts why it’s so crucial to everyone of us.

8th of March, 8 years ago

There I was, excited, a bit nervous and at the same time very serious. The place was Rio de Janeiro and I was about to get engaged to my man.

I remember my strong commitment to become his wife, how I wanted our marriage to be happy and long lasting.

I had a strong wish to give him all my love. What was very hard to confess back then was that I also had a lot of expectations how he should love me back.

Today it’s International Women’s Day and I take some time to reflect what I, as a woman, have learned from being married.

A woman’s common mistake

I made a mistake. My mistake was that I forgot to also make a commitment to myself.

“First commit to love yourself before you ask someone else to love you”

I was so focused on our relationship that I forgot my own needs. Almost whatever served our marriage, I was ready to compromise for.

My wish that our marriage should be “a happy one” was overshadowing any form of real self-care.

What I did not get back then was that you can’t care for others if you don’t care for yourself first.

How our focus can change in a relationship

I had recently moved to a new city where my man lived. I had a lot of expectations on us, on him. I had moved to be with him and I used most of my energy to make things work.

He kept on living his life. I forgot about mine.

I felt lonely. I felt disappointed.

Where was the vibrant woman whose aliveness everyone wanted to be around?

My commitment to our marriage and my love to my husband made me blind towards my own needs, to what I really needed to be fulfilled.

Mistakes are the best door openers for new learnings

Today I see that my mistake has lead me to this very essential learning:

There will be no movement in our partnership/marriage as long as we don’t make self-love the priority in our lives. And when we are able to start loving ourselves, we make it possible for others to love us too.

I believe that there is one common misunderstanding. A lot of people see loving yourself as selfish or self-centered. On the contrary, loving yourself deepens your ability to care for others.

Moving forward

The first step towards growth and movement in our lives is awareness. With awareness come thousands of possibilities, and also thousands of challenges. It’s when it’s easy to say, “I don’t want to become more aware”.

I encourage every woman to follow the self-love journey. It’s a hard journey and it includes a great deal of discomfort. But it’s so very rewarding and it’s the most beautiful gift you can give to yourself.

If we want the world to become a friendlier place for women, we need to start with looking into how much love and care we give ourselves first.

Today

I feel connected. I feel responsible.

I am responsible for my well-being.