Boost your energy in one month with my free guided journal: Time to Thrive.

An alternative to New Year’s resolutions

An alternative to New Year’s resolutions

An alternative to New Year’s resolutions

Published on

Katarina Stoltz Coaching and Therapy lying on the floor with her hands above her head in a brown top

At the end of the year there is a pressure to set New Year’s resolutions to ensure that next year will be the best year yet. We want to exercise more, lose weight, get organised, learn a new hobby and live life to the fullest. I like to end the year differently. 

I’m sharing with you my tips for an alternative to New Year’s resolutions and why I think reflecting on the past year is beneficial for personal development. 

Celebrating another year

Another crazy year is coming to an end. It’s one of my favourite times of the year and I always take a moment to reflect and celebrate. 

I hear you thinking ‘What is there to celebrate? I didn’t achieve what I wanted to’. That’s OK! Me neither!  

When we only celebrate big achievements and times when we feel great, we’re telling ourselves that we’re not worthy if we didn’t achieve our goals or were feeling low.  

One year might be the year we felt mostly depressed.  

One year might be the year we had a lot of energy and inspiration. 

One year might have felt like a rollercoaster of events and emotions. 

One year might have been calm and quiet. 

What if we started celebrating who we are right now and what we have achieved up until now?!  

It’s time to be honest

What’s most important is that we’re being honest to ourselves; ‘this year sucked!’, ‘this year I regret that I wasn’t nicer to my kids’, ‘this year I forgot to pay attention to my health as I was afraid of losing my job, so I worked like crazy’ or ‘this year I wished that I set more boundaries’. 

The best way to finish off a year is by being brutally honest and acknowledging how it actually was. Letting go of trying to tell another flattering version of our lives. Making a decision to either forgive ourselves or someone else. 

I forgive myself for my lack of patience while dealing with my daughter’s preteen behaviour. What can you forgive yourself for? 

We’re so good at looking at what’s lacking in our lives and what we can do better that we forget to celebrate what we already are. You wouldn’t tell your best friend all the things she could do better, right? It’s time to be a bit kinder to yourself too. 

Let’s start right now. 

How did you show up this year? How would you describe yourself this year with one word? 

My word would be: CURIOUS. 

Looking back, this year has been one of the hardest years in my adult life; living with the aftermath of the pandemic has been more challenging than dealing with emergencies under lockdown. 

In the past, when I didn’t want to feel, my go-to place was work or going through my to-do list. These things saved me from feeling uncomfortable emotions.  

But as we all know, the unresolved stuff always comes back in some shape or form.  

This year I decided to be compassionate-curious about myself. Curious about all the heavy stuff that was buried under the surface of ‘I’m fine’. 

Yes, as a personal development junkie I have of course been curious and worked on myself for years, but this year I decided to discover myself on an even deeper level, on my own. 

I have had the tendency to dive deep into therapy and coaching sessions, retreats, training sessions, and women’s circles. 

But when leaving the therapist, coach or group, I very often closed the door to the exploration into the unknown. 

I didn’t want to sit alone with it all. 

It was a scary place. 

‘How do you sit with whatever you are feeling?’ is a common question I hear from my clients. 

There is no ‘one-size-fits-all’ answer. For some, meditation helps, for others journaling, or being in nature. We have to figure it out by trying different things. 

Questions to help you reflect on the past year

At the end of one year and the beginning of another,  it’s easy to bypass how the past year was and how we’re feeling right now. All the marketing around ‘the new you’ and ‘new year’s resolutions’ focus on the future. 

It’s valuable to have a vision and goals for your future but when we only focus on the future, we’re kind of telling ourselves that we’re not good enough as we are right now. 

No wonder so many never feel good enough! We’re obsessing about what to do differently, setting future goals, finding our life purpose and all that anxiety-inducing stuff. 

This year I invite you to journal around these questions: 

What was the highlight of the year? 

What was the hardest part? 

What did I want to do, but didn’t dare? 

What haven’t I been honest about? 

What do I need to forgive myself for? 

Who do I need to apologise to? 

What kept me awake at night? 

What am I grateful for? 

Block out some time, pour your favourite cup of tea, get cosy with a blanket and create this year-end ritual to honour the way you showed up in this world. 

I hope this helps you to feel free to be you, give space for grief and fully own who you are. 

Love,

 

 

Share this:

By signing up to receive my journal, you agree to receive emails from me. You can opt out at any time. I will manage all your data with care and in line with my privacy policy.

Hello, I’m Katarina Stoltz, a life coach and psychotherapist helping international professionals prioritise their well-being so they can achieve fulfillment without burning out.

Welcome to the 'Time To Thrive' blog, where I share real-life stories and offer valuable and practical tips for how to prevent burnout, expand your self awareness and start living your vision.

I don’t offer ‘quick fix’ solutions, but my tips are straightforward and easy to follow. You’re in the right place if you’re looking for some thought-provoking articles and honest life stories.

I’m happy you’re here!

How to enjoy a stress-free Christmas

How to enjoy a stress-free Christmas

How to enjoy a stress-free Christmas

Published on

Woman's feet resting on table in front of Christmas tree enjoying a stress free Christmas

While some can’t help but be cheerful and excited about the festive days to come, not everyone feels so merry and bright as the holiday season approaches.

Even though it’s considered the most magical time of the year, for many of us women it’s also the most stressful.  

We’re usually the ones organising the perfect gifts, planning the perfect meals, hosting the perfect parties, while also navigating the family calendar and all the different family dynamics. We run around serving everyone even though we feel the need to be served ourselves.

December panic

As the calendar flips to December the panic sets in. You go into overdrive, running around like a headless chicken, complaining that nobody helps you, until… 

You can’t think straight anymore. 

Suddenly it’s Christmas Eve. It’s time to celebrate but you feel like you’re just back from bootcamp, and now you’re either sick or feeling grumpy and resentful. 

‘I suggest we postpone Christmas,’ I said, hoping the armour I put up would protect me from being judged. 

My daughter didn’t say much, but I could feel her disappointment. And who could blame her! She had had enough postponements lately… 

It was 2021. We had been dealing with pandemic lockdowns for nearly two years. We had all gotten Covid and were just coming out of a month-long quarantine. It was challenging to get back to our old rhythm. I was functioning, but my shoulders were tense, my breathing was still shallow, and I was feeling more tired than usual—definitely not looking forward to travelling  over Christmas. 

All I wanted was to snuggle up under my beloved blanket and watch new episodes of my favourite series ‘This is us’ on Amazon Prime. 

Every time my mum called from Sweden to ask about what we should cook for Christmas (and it was often!), I kept repeating myself like the drunk butler in Dinner for One: ‘same procedure as last year’. 

I had stopped caring about the details. Life had become more about the essential need to stay healthy. 

And just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse, I got a phone call with the news that my dad was taken by ambulance to hospital. They didn’t know what was wrong with him and how long he needed to stay. 

We all just needed to wait and hope for the best. And that meant postponing Christmas. Looks like I got my wish after all, though this wasn’t how I had pictured it! 

The opportunity to recharge

Of course we wanted to be there to support my parents, so we packed up the car and headed up north. And that Christmas, instead of decorating the tree and handing out gifts, my husband, daughter, and I spent the holiday on the Swedish coast having snowball fights on the beach. And you know what? It was pure bliss. No stress. No tension. (Dad turned out to be fine.) 

Katarina Stoltz Life Coach playing in the snow to enjoying Christmas festivities

And a few days later, we celebrated our family’s traditional Christmas with Polish barszcz soup and Swedish köttbullar. 

Postponing Christmas was the best gift I could have given to my mental health. It gave me and my family the opportunity to recharge—even my dad said he rested well in hospital! 

Tips to help you stay calm over Christmas

What helped me to cope with this situation? 

Choosing to stay calm. 

Choosing calm’ had been my most important practice during the pandemic. When we choose calm before a panic response, it usually has a tremendous impact on the people in our lives. 

“Our calm can be as contagious as our anxiety.” – Brené Brown 

Though practising staying calm is especially hard when we are with the people we love most. It’s easy to get triggered and irritated by the things mum and dad, or a sister or brother, even a distant aunt, uncle, or cousin might say. 

All it takes is for my mum to say something that reminds me of how I felt as a child, and the overreaction is immediate. Or our kid misbehaves in front of our parents, and we start correcting, judging and controlling.  

Why do we go back to behaving like when we were rebellious teenagers?! Why is it so challenging to stay calm when we’re with our parents? 

We have become adults, but our parents awaken our unmet needs from childhood—the need to be seen, heard and validated. 

If you feel you have a tendency to panic and overreact when you’re seeing family over Christmas, these three tips from Brené Brown will support you: 

  • Be quick to think and slow to respond. 
  • Stay mindful that a panic response produces more panic and fear. 
  • Ask yourself: Will freaking out help the situation?  

We are always more easily triggered when we are tired. 

What can we do to reduce stress before the holidays so that we’re more rested when we travel to see family? 

I believe all the stress leading up to Christmas—making the perfect Advent calendar, getting the right gifts, preparing for either work or kids school events—comes down to one thing: 

We don’t want to be judged.  

We don’t want to be the one who doesn’t bake her own cookies, whose kids misbehave, who can’t handle the whole big chaotic snowglobe of Christmas stress. So we juggle, bake and smile. 

How to enjoy the festive days

A client of mine shared with me recently how she is always the one inviting friends over to her house the weeks before Christmas. It makes her feel exhausted afterwards. This year she chose not to. She decided she wanted to be invited by others instead. What a great example! 

Here are a few things that have helped me enjoy the festive days leading up to Christmas: 

  • Be clear about expectations. Talk with your partner or immediate family about what to prioritise in the time leading up to Christmas so that you are clear about everyone’s wishes and expectations. If you travel to see family over the holidays, talk with them beforehand about what you want the holiday to look like.
  • Take responsibility for your well-being. Make sure you take responsibility for your mental well-being and get the rest you need, so that you have energy to enjoy the beautiful festive days. Do you not have the capacity to take on more projects at work? Then get someone else to take it on. Not really feeling up for another party? Then don’t go. 
  • Focus on the good things in each other. A couple of years ago I invented a game we play on Christmas Day called ‘The Heart Game’. Everyone writes down four things they appreciated about every family member during the year. Then everyone gets to read out loud the cards that were written to them. It’s a heartfelt way to focus on the good in each person.
  • Ask yourself how you want to feel after Christmas is over. Do you tend to feel like you need a new holiday after the Christmas festivities come to an end? If yes, what can you do differently so that you rather feel nourished and rested? Maybe a spa day with friends? Being clear about how you want to feel afterwards can help you prioritise. 

Now, what action will you take as a result of reading this blog? Write down three steps and put the note in a place where you’ll see it often! 

My Time to Thrive journal

If you need help to identify what’s dragging you down so you’ll have time for things that lift you up, my free guided journal ‘Time To Thrive’ is a useful tool. Download it here. 

Users of my ‘Time To Thrive’ journal are telling me:

‘I finally got better at focusing on ONE thing at a time’

‘I feel so much more energised’

‘I’ve started to be more honest and self-compassionate. This journal is truly life-changing!’

Grab a copy of my free guided journal here.

And have a joyful, nourishing, stress-free holiday season. 

Love,

 

 

Share this:

By signing up to receive my journal, you agree to receive emails from me. You can opt out at any time. I will manage all your data with care and in line with my privacy policy.

Hello, I’m Katarina Stoltz, a life coach and psychotherapist helping international professionals prioritise their well-being so they can achieve fulfillment without burning out.

Welcome to the 'Time To Thrive' blog, where I share real-life stories and offer valuable and practical tips for how to prevent burnout, expand your self awareness and start living your vision.

I don’t offer ‘quick fix’ solutions, but my tips are straightforward and easy to follow. You’re in the right place if you’re looking for some thought-provoking articles and honest life stories.

I’m happy you’re here!

Now is the time to get unapologetically selfish!

Now is the time to get unapologetically selfish!

Now is the time to get unapologetically selfish!

Published on

Woman in bath being unapologetically selfish

We’re told self care is important. That we need to look after ourselves before other people. But we’re also told that being selfish is bad. 

I recently took the opportunity to be unapologetically selfish and it was just what I needed. 

The burnout habit

Early in the morning, I’m rushing through the grocery store between dropping off my daughter at school and coaching my first client of the day. Looking around, I see I’m not the only one in a hurry. 

My nanny is sick. My husband is abroad. I wonder why the others are rushing. I smile at them with empathy. 

How do we end up like headless chickens running around as if we were on fire? 

It starts with saying yes to unwanted tasks and activities a bit too often. Then we keep pushing through and adapting to the “harder, better, faster, stronger culture”, and eventually we burn out. 

Time for doing nothing

As I sat in the car on my way to Poland a few weeks ago, I felt like I had fallen into that burnout habit of go-go-go. My body was aching, and I was tired.

The idea for our family holiday was to hike in the mountains. Not because we all love hiking, but because ‘that’s what you do when you are on holiday in the mountains’. To be honest, I like looking at the breathtaking views more than doing the actual hike.

When I woke up the first morning I looked through the window in our little house and had a beautiful view right there.

This time my whole body screamed, ‘I will stay here today!’

Katarina Stoltz with her feet up in a hammock being unapologetically selfish in Poland

And I did. I decided to be unapologetically selfish and silence all the ‘shoulds’, and the ‘it’s not appropriates’ and all the other guilt-inducing bullshit.

This was going to be my day of being lazy and doing nothing.

Effective energy management strategies

Being selfish is mean”, a client told me once. Many of us grew up hearing something similar.

What about you? What do you feel when you hear these words?

Selfish.

Rest.

Lazy.

Resistant? Judgmental? A secret longing?

During my years as superwoman, I froze every time I heard any of those words. Grrrr. Anything but lazy! I’m strong and not the type who needs a lot of sleep and rest!

When was the last time you rested without feeling guilty?

Scientists have shown the value of taking what they call “microbreaks” throughout the workday.

These short breaks – five minutes or less – are effective energy management strategies and can be as simple as stretching, gazing out the window, snacking or having a five-minute mindful check-in with yourself.

I know, who has time for that when we have deadlines to meet and emails to reply to, right?

In fact, when we take time out to relax, we’re more engaged and productive – even more effective at our work tasks.

It’s short, but a microbreak can be golden if you do it regularly.

I know from my own experience that when I stopped using manicures and hairdresser appointments as the ONLY form of self-care, that’s when I felt the difference in my energy levels.

I started caring for my emotional and physical body EVERY DAY.

Okay, so if you are like me and have that tendency to fall into that burnout habit of go-go-go and the “if you can’t do it right, I do it” attitude, then you know what to do now, microbreaks!

Do you feel like you need a reminder every week to rest?

The prompts in my guided journal Time To Thrive help you identify what’s draining you so that you have more time for rest and for doing what lights you up!

My Time To Thrive journal

Users of my ‘Time To Thrive’ journal are telling me:

‘I finally got better at focusing on ONE thing at a time’

‘I feel so much more energised’

‘I’ve started to be more honest and self-compassionate. This journal is truly life-changing!’

Do you want to test it out for yourself and see if it helps you become a bit more unapologetically selfish? Do you want more time for microbreaks and some more fun?! Then grab a copy of my guided journal!

If you know someone who would benefit from being more selfish and self-compassionate to prevent burnout, share this journal.

Love,

 

 

Share this:

By signing up to receive my journal, you agree to receive emails from me. You can opt out at any time. I will manage all your data with care and in line with my privacy policy.

Hello, I’m Katarina Stoltz, a life coach and psychotherapist helping international professionals prioritise their well-being so they can achieve fulfillment without burning out.

Welcome to the 'Time To Thrive' blog, where I share real-life stories and offer valuable and practical tips for how to prevent burnout, expand your self awareness and start living your vision.

I don’t offer ‘quick fix’ solutions, but my tips are straightforward and easy to follow. You’re in the right place if you’re looking for some thought-provoking articles and honest life stories.

I’m happy you’re here!

How to survive and thrive as an entrepreneur

How to survive and thrive as an entrepreneur

How to survive and thrive as an entrepreneur

Published on
Katarina Stoltz Coaching and Therapy smiling demonstrating her thriving as an entrepreneur

With no colleagues around or boss telling us what to do, being self-employed can feel lonely at times, and it can be hard to stay motivated. But it doesn’t have to be that way!

Today I will share my own experience of thriving as an entrepreneur and give you some helpful ideas to be happier and more productive in your own business. 

Co-working with a business buddy

The ride took longer than normal due to construction, but I wasn’t in a hurry. I enjoyed the silence, and that I didn’t have to multitask. I just needed to keep my hands on the wheel and look straight ahead.

When I arrived at Coconat, a ‘workation’ space just outside Berlin, my friend was already there. She met me at the entrance, her whole face smiling, and I knew we had a couple of fun, productive days ahead of us.

Kim is my business buddy. But not only that, we also bake Christmas cookies together and take our kids to amusement parks. We became friends during the lockdown when life as an entrepreneur, wife and mother was more challenging than normal.

In Zoom calls we gave one another feedback and held each other accountable. And our businesses survived the lockdown. But beyond that, we both expanded in ways we didn’t think possible in such uncertain times.

It was my third time at Coconat. A few years ago I went to write my thesis, and in the midst of the pandemic I went to brainstorm ideas on how to rebrand my business. This time I just needed some proper get-shit-done kinds of days. You know all that business and life admin which you never have time to do!?

I hear a lot of my entrepreneurial friends and clients complain that being self-employed can be lonely, and that it’s hard to get things done when no boss is waiting for an assignment to be handed in.

It’s easy to get distracted with social media when nobody is watching. (What irony, I just googled a word and got sucked into LinkedIn!) Working from home also adds the challenge of mixing up work and household duties (let’s just put on the laundry now so I have that done…)

Tips to help you survive and thrive as an entrepreneur

I have noticed that what helps me the most to stay focused and have fun as an entrepreneur is to get out of the house! I need to be in the practice for my regular in-person clients, and in a quiet place for the clients I meet online, but all the admin, creative brainstorming and writing – I can do those things from anywhere!

Here’s a shortlist of tips that have helped me survive and thrive as an entrepreneur:

  • Find a business buddy. The person doesn’t need to be doing what you are doing, the only criteria is to find someone who also is self-employed and has more or less the same size business as you.
  • Block out time for future planning. Get together with your business buddy and share your business vision for the coming year. Map out important steps together that you can hold each other accountable for. (I recommend doing this twice a year. I do it in June and December.)
  • Become a member of an online network to get business support. Find a suitable membership depending on which stage of business you’re in. This is a place where you can ask all the relevant questions related to your business.
  • Join or create a mastermind. Find a group of like-minded entrepreneurs to meet with monthly. Bring your current business challenges, and get invaluable ideas from your business peers on how to resolve them. Mine meets online, as my peer group is based in the UK.
  • Prioritise your mental health. Make sure to always block time in your calendar for self-care. If you don’t care for yourself, you can’t show up for your clients and your business will suffer. On my list of non-negotiables is going on a retreat once a year. The year before the pandemic started, I created my own retreat in Thailand.

Katarina Stoltz Coaching and Therapy relaxing in pool Thailand demonstrating how she thrives while being an entrepreneur

  • Set boundaries! With no strict time schedule to follow, it’s easy to work in the evenings and on weekends. It will quickly burn you out if you’re not careful.
  • Stop comparing yourself with other entrepreneurs! It’s easy to look at what others are doing and lose track of your own progress. The only thing that matters is where you were half a year ago and where you are now.
  • Get help before you need it. This was advice I got from my business mentor that helped me pivot my business during the lockdown. I hired my first virtual assistant, designer and SEO manager before I really needed them. Now they are an important part of my business development.
  • Have fun! We didn’t leave the corporate world to work even harder and have more stress! We left to create a healthier work environment and have a bit more fun, didn’t we?! So make sure that you enjoy being your own boss, and celebrate your progress along the way!

Katarina Stoltz Coaching and Therapy smiling with a drink in hand surviving and thriving as an entrepreneur

Your next step

What is the first step you could take today to make sure your entrepreneurial life will be less lonely and more fun? 

This shortlist is something I needed when I first started as an entrepreneur. I didn’t have any business buddies back then and had no idea how to find a business mentor or any kind of community. 

Part of my bigger vision is to inspire as many people as possible to let go of the notion that we need to figure things out alone – from dealing with emotional baggage to starting and maintaining a business. 

Doing things alone doesn’t make you stronger or more powerful! 

Doing things alone just makes you feel isolated and exhausted. 

I have learned that sharing my ups and downs in life with friends and business buddies, makes me feel more connected, energised and fulfilled. And as a result – my business is thriving!

If you’re looking for a simple way to boost your energy right now, download my free guided journal TIME TO THRIVE here

Love,

 

 

Share this:

Hello, I’m Katarina Stoltz, a life coach and psychotherapist helping international professionals prioritise their well-being so they can achieve fulfillment without burning out.

Welcome to the 'Time To Thrive' blog, where I share real-life stories and offer valuable and practical tips for how to prevent burnout, expand your self awareness and start living your vision.

I don’t offer ‘quick fix’ solutions, but my tips are straightforward and easy to follow. You’re in the right place if you’re looking for some thought-provoking articles and honest life stories.

I’m happy you’re here!

3 Steps to Reduce Stress Right Now

3 Steps to Reduce Stress Right Now

3 Steps to Reduce Stress Right Now

Published on

Katarina Stoltz Life Coaching and Psychotherapy with feet up at sunset on the beach representing feeling less stressed

When we don’t express our emotions we become stressed. We bottle up strong feelings and avoid confronting people. To reduce stress, we need to express our emotions and set boundaries.

Today I will share a personal story from my trip to the U.S. and give you an insight how to strengthen your emotional competence so you can reduce stress in your life. (Read to the end to grab my free gift!)

The Perfect Evening

The sun was setting at Pismo Beach, on California’s Central Coast, as Rihanna’s “Umbrella” blasted from the speakers. Tourists hung out by the food trucks enjoying tacos and beautiful views. Some watched the surfers, others were mesmerised by the sunset.

Pelicans flew over our heads as we sat at the table waiting for our food. ‘This is the perfect evening’, I thought to myself.

My 10-year-old daughter, having had her fill of road trip fast food, finally ordered a salad. I took off my sandals, leaned my bare feet against the wooden fence, and took a sip of cold white wine (served in a plastic cup, but oh well, I decided not to be annoyed by that). 

Katarina Stoltz Life Coaching and Psychotherapy with a glass of wine on the beach

You know that perfect moment when you’re with the people you love and you don’t want to change a thing? Pure bliss. 

In the last week, my daughter had gone from an impatient, “I want my food NOW!” kind of kid, to someone who calmly read her chapter book while we waited for our food to arrive. 

But after 45 minutes l began to wonder if they had forgotten about us, then quickly reminded myself that we were not in a hurry. Rushing from one place to another is something I know too well from my daily life. I could feel how much my body and soul really needed the break from the busyness.

An Unexpected Question

I took another sip of my wine, then all of a sudden came an unexpected question: ‘Mum, are you going to drink alcohol again tonight’? 

My jaw dropped. 

The first thought that went through my head was ‘you can’t decide whether I will have a glass of wine or not’! It was my teenage self speaking, not wanting someone else telling me what to do! 

Luckily the thought stayed only a thought. Though I had to fight some mind gremlins before I answered: ‘It sounds like you don’t want me to drink wine tonight’. 

‘It makes me scared’, my daughter answered with a serious look on her face, then continued reading her book. 

There I was in that perfect moment, completely chilled out, enjoying the sunset with a plastic cup of California Chardonnay, and my kid doesn’t want me to drink ONE glass of wine! 

Hmmm.  

A bit puzzled, I started to check in with my emotions.  

Memories came back from when I was a kid surrounded by my parents’ friends jamming and having drinks in our basement. Yes, I remember how unpleasant it was when the adults’ personalities suddenly changed. But did I say anything?? No, of course not! 

Back then, I don’t think I would have been able to put into words how I was feeling anyway. I just dwelled within that uncomfortable feeling of loneliness. 

I decided not to finish the wine. Instead, I looked out over the bay and felt a strong sensation of joy.  

‘Joy’? you might ask. Yes, I actually felt joyful. I felt deep gratitude for my daughter’s ability to express her emotions. 

She dares to confront me. 

She knows I will listen. 

She won’t always get what she wants, as such is life, and it’s good that way. BUT she knows that her opinion matters. She hasn’t given up before trying. 

She knows that even though she is still a child, she has the right to ask adults to stop doing things she doesn’t like. 

She matters. 

I matter. And now that I know that (after four years in therapy!), I don’t answer from my rebellious teenage self anymore—at least most of the time…  

This time, the answer comes from my adult self: ‘I understand,’ I said to my daughter. ‘I was a bit different last night after daddy and I had a glass of wine. I get it.’ 

Oh life… the beauty of personal growth!

Boundaries Matter

Sitting on that dock, I remembered a book I had read recently, When the Body Says No, by Dr. Gabor Maté. The book shook me to the core of my being.

 Katarina Stoltz Coaching and Therapy holding a copy of When the Body Says No by Gabor Mator

I believe it’s the most important book one can read if you take your health seriously. ‘It could save your life’, Peter Levine writes on the cover. 

One line that stuck with me: ‘In important areas of their lives, almost none of my patients with serious disease had ever learned to say no.’

When we welcome the expression of a ‘no‘, either from our child or partner or anyone else, we make them feel that they matter. Their boundary matters! 

How to Build Emotional Competence

So what can we do if we didn’t learn to say no as a child?  

What can we do if we didn’t learn that what we needed mattered?

We need to build emotional competence such as:  

  • the ability to express our emotions.
  • the capacity to feel our emotions.
  • the facility to distinguish between psychological reactions that are pertinent to the present situation and those that represent residue from the past.

Stress occurs in the absence of these three points. 

A lot of clients come to me because they feel stressed and want to learn how to express their emotions. To be able to express our emotions, we first need to be able to identify them.  

And then learn to feel them. 

In order to feel our emotions, we need to slow down and stop living as if we are on fire!

“Should I just sit there and feel”?? many of my clients ask. Well, ideally, yes. But just sitting there and feeling is not that easy. So I have created something else to do instead—a different way to help you identify your emotions.

Download My Guided Journal

My one-month guided journal TIME TO THRIVE, will help you track what causes you stress and make you feel energised again!

‘Thanks a lot for creating this amazing journal! The journal helped me to recognize the thought patterns that drain me, and helped me identify what I’m avoiding in life. By reflecting on my life every week, I started to develop more honesty with myself, more gratitude in life, and more awareness about my values. I used to be very critical of myself, but writing one thing that I can give myself credit for every week helped me develop more compassion for myself, which is something I have been trying to achieve for a long time. Thank you for creating such a helpful tool. It’s truly life-changing!’

Mohammed, Manager, Spotify 

Sometimes it can feel a bit overwhelming knowing how much work we need to do to stay healthy and energised. I get that. You’d rather watch another Netflix show or hang out with your family or friends.

But I promise you, the award is HUGE. And all you need to do is take the first step.  

Get started today by downloading my FREE journal! I’m offering this valuable guided journal for free to anyone who is ready to commit to their personal growth. 

Love,

 

 

 

Share this:

Hello, I’m Katarina Stoltz, a life coach and psychotherapist helping international professionals prioritise their well-being so they can achieve fulfillment without burning out.

Welcome to the 'Time To Thrive' blog, where I share real-life stories and offer valuable and practical tips for how to prevent burnout, expand your self awareness and start living your vision.

I don’t offer ‘quick fix’ solutions, but my tips are straightforward and easy to follow. You’re in the right place if you’re looking for some thought-provoking articles and honest life stories.

I’m happy you’re here!

How to find meaning in your life

How to find meaning in your life

How to find meaning in your life

Published on

3 happy woman in warm clothes representing finding meaning in life

I was strolling down Kastanienallee, one of the trendy shopping streets in the former East Berlin, with my bestie visiting from Sweden.

Life is finally back to normal’, I thought to myself. But is it really back to what it used to be? No, not really. We socialise, travel and everything is open again, but life is different than what it used to be.

I have more real conversations.

I forgive and move on faster.

I look the people I care about in the eyes and ask: ‘How are you?

I interact with life on a deeper level.

I’m more honest and say, ‘I don’t enjoy camping’ and let my husband go alone with our daughter on a camping trip.

I have noticed I’m more grateful and I compromise less.

How do you experience ‘the new normal’? What has changed in your life?

My bestie and I walked into a random shop and the first thing I saw was a bag that said: ‘Think less, dance more’. If there had been music playing I would have started dancing immediately!

After some cheerful small talk with the shop owner, we headed towards our favourite ice cream place. I left feeling like something amazing had happened, and I laughed to myself when I realised it was just a normal interaction with a stranger!

What actually gives life meaning is the willingness to live it’. – The Untethered Soul, Michael A. Singer.

I hear so many people talking about finding their purpose and I always think about Elisabeth Gilbert’s talk about how much anxiety this search can lead to.

There is nothing wrong with trying to find your purpose, but for me, today, I find it far more valuable to ask myself ‘what gives life meaning right now?

Sometimes it’s just sitting at my favourite restaurant having lunch on my own in the sun.

Sometimes it’s calling a friend and sharing how we actually are doing.

Sometimes it’s reading (for the 10th time;) another poem my daughter wrote for me.

My bestie and I ended the day on my terrace. It was one of those unforgettable evenings, so warm we could stay outside as long as we wanted. We had a glass of wine and talked about the pain and the joy we had experienced since we last met.

Close to midnight I took out a photo album from a trip to Guatemala we had taken together in 2001. I hadn’t seen those pictures in a long time.

As we looked through them I noticed two things: one part of me was proud that I had embarked on this adventure, but I also felt sad.

I felt sad for the 20-something girl who was so lost and deep down unhappy. In my search for love and fulfilment, I was always looking outside of myself for a new adventure or relationship.

For a long time I felt incredibly lost. I was constantly looking for love and appreciation from the outside, never feeling satisfied.

Reading The Untethered Soul, I realise how much meaning my life has now. There is nothing I need to find, as I have what I need right here in front of me. If I’m just willing to live my life.

And just like the message on the bag in the shop, when I think less and dance more I feel like I’m living my life in every cell of my body.

What helps you to think less? I would love to hear from you. Please share in the comments.

Love,

 

 

Share this:

Hello, I’m Katarina Stoltz, a life coach and psychotherapist helping international professionals prioritise their well-being so they can achieve fulfillment without burning out.

Welcome to the 'Time To Thrive' blog, where I share real-life stories and offer valuable and practical tips for how to prevent burnout, expand your self awareness and start living your vision.

I don’t offer ‘quick fix’ solutions, but my tips are straightforward and easy to follow. You’re in the right place if you’re looking for some thought-provoking articles and honest life stories.

I’m happy you’re here!