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It’s week 9 of… I was going to write “lockdown” or “home retreat” but none of those descriptions fit anymore to what this feels like right now.

I found a new word, inspired by the trauma therapist Edith Eger, who says there is no such thing as a crisis. She says there are only “transitions”.

It’s week 9 of our global transition and I would like to share parts of my process with you and give you tips on how to practice “choosing calm”.

Choosing calm.

I often hear that my clients appreciate my calmness and non-judgmental presence. Being calm and slowing down doesn’t come naturally to me. My natural temperament is loud and fast.

According to acclaimed author Brené Brown, choosing calm is a practice, and I couldn’t agree more! I have been practicing “choosing calm” for a couple years and it has changed my life.

The practice of “choosing calm” has been my most important practice during Covid-19.

When we choose calm before a panic response, it usually has a tremendous impact on the people in our lives.

“Our calm can be as contagious as our anxiety.” – Brené Brown

If you feel you have a tendency to panic and overreact right now, these three tips from Brené Brown will support you:

– Be quick to think and slow to respond and ask yourself: Do I have the information needed to make a decision or form a response?

– Stay mindful that a panic response produces more panic and fear.

– Ask yourself: Will freaking out help the situation? 

Going deeper

Over the past two weeks I have gone deeper, allowing myself to feel it all. It has been painful, but I know I am passing through a huge portal to transformation.

The world is asking us to get off the fast track. To slow down. To go from “doing” to “being.” And I’m listening.

I haven’t felt this tired and at the same time this ALIVE in a very long time. The other day I was listening to the author Shefali Tsabary, and it became clear to me that this aliveness comes from living much more in the present moment.

Normally, I would spend many of my waking hours planning my future. But I can’t plan a future that is so uncertain, so I’m only left with this present day.

I can only take one step, slowly… forward.

This stillness and uncertainty can be so scary, and it also gives us a great opportunity to practice presence.

Locked down in our internal homes.

According to Shefali Tsabary, the reason some of us are feeling panic is not only because of the virus, but because we are locked down in our internal homes. We are locked down in the present moment. For most of us, this is a place we haven’t been to before.

All our distractions have been taken away.

This is the time…

…to take an inventory of your life.

…to take time for you, who went ignored for so long.

…to get to know your loved once better.

…to find new ways to connect with one another.

…to raise your consciousness.

RETHINK. REDESIGN. RESET. 

How do you want to remember this time?

When I check social media, I see a lot of productivity and it always makes me wonder if we’re in a productivity contest. Sometimes I unconsciously join the competition, until I wake up and remind myself that:

My worth is not dependent on how productive I am.

I want to use this time to STAY AWAKE, slow down, observe and feel.

I want to remember this time as the transition to a life much more lived in the present moment.

Life outside.

Sometimes I’m so caught up in the effects of the lockdown that I forget about the actual virus.

This is when I pick up my phone and call one of my best friends who works as a nurse in Stockholm, to see how her day in the hospital has been.

I pause. I sit still. I take it all in. And then I choose calm. One foot forward.

I came to realize the other day that I don’t want to “get it all back”. I’m not in a rush to leave this special time in my life just yet, even if some days I feel I can’t take it anymore.

It’s a hell of a roller coaster ride and I don’t know the path ahead. But my curiosity about what it feels like living like this, is stronger right now than the wish to “get it all back”.

Welcoming it all.

“Happiness and feeling good all the time is not the number one thing of being well. It’s bypassing being a REAL human being.” – Danielle la Porte

Life is beautiful and messy.

My work is not about making you feel positive all the time, my work is inviting you to get to know both your beauty and your mess, feel your feelings and welcome your whole self.

Coaching offer.

If you want to learn more how to practice “choosing calm”, book a free coaching consultation here: https://calendly.com/katarinastoltz

I invite you all to take one step, slowly… forward.

 

 

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The online courses and events are shooting out of the ground like mushrooms in a warm rain! People seem to be as busy as ever, now going out not physically but digitally.

After taking some time last week to feel what I really need, I realized that in this Covid-19 crisis:

I crave connection.

I crave intimacy.

I crave telephone calls with close friends.

I crave Zoom calls with small groups.

I crave cuddles.

I crave real conversations.

I crave simplicity.

How about you? How are you feeling in this crisis?

Last week I wrote about the importance of caring for yourself first so that you can be there for others. I decided to make a couple of rules, which I feel have had a good impact on my health:

Do one thing a day only for pleasure. Forget about being productive or reaching goals and choose to do something only because you love it! You could eat your favorite chocolate, watch a series on Netflix or read a novel.

Do one thing a day only for your body. With so much sitting indoors we need to move. Find an online Pilates class, dance to your favorite song or take a walk.

Check in with yourself every day to see how you feel. Holding back how you feel for too long will make you feel tense and uneasy. Checking in with yourself will stop you from bottling up your feelings.

Do one thing a day for others. Compassion helps our brain to rest a bit. See how you could be of service to others. Maybe help a neighbor, call a friend who feels anxious, tell someone how much that person means to you or offer your expertise to a colleague.

Read news only twice daily. Control how much you read the news. Make sure you don’t check social media too often and avoid getting into a discussion with people who think differently about this crisis.

When I keep to these rules I worry less and can be there for myself as well as for others. My experience is that when we concentrate on fewer things we end up having more energy and feeling less stressed.

In times of crisis we primarily have to think of our basic needs such as SLEEP, FOOD and LOVE.

When we sleep enough, eat well and give and receive love, we not only protect ourselves from the virus but also from staying in fear for too long.

My first week was about calming the feeling of panic, the second week was about allowing myself not to be a superhuman and acknowledge my feelings, and now, in this third week I’m ready to add something new to my schedule.

Is your need to help aligned with your own resourcefulness?

I heard this question during a podcast last week and I decided that I would check in with my resourcefulness before I offered something new. I feel ready to ask myself now how I can be of service to people outside of my family and my current clients.

Coaching offer:

If you are in need of support right now or know someone who is I offer one-on-one coaching sessions either at my practice in Berlin or over Skype. Schedule a free of charge consultation to see how we could work together: https://calendly.com/katarinastoltz

Stay healthy!

 

 

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Today I received a notification on my mobile phone: Your screen time was up 47% last week.

I guess most of you feel the same when I say I have never experienced something like this before. I don’t even have to write the C word, you all know what I mean.

At first, it all seemed like a big exaggeration. I was still distanced from it all and couldn’t register the actual severity of it. It happened in Italy but it won’t happen to me.

Did you also have this attitude? Or maybe still have it? We all react differently to this unexpected situation.

Some start panicking.

Some wait for more facts.

Some binge on news articles until 3.30 in the morning.

Some deny what’s happening and call others paranoid.

Some meditate and stay calm.

It all shows how differently we react when we feel anxious. Where there is fear, there is no logic.

I have been in voluntary quarantine since Saturday

On Friday, I went grocery shopping with my daughter. My husband was still in Japan on a business trip. Walking around the store and deciding what my family would need for the next weeks was surreal.

I started to think of my grandparents who survived the Second World War in Poland. Not because this is close to what they went through, but now I have an idea about what that terrible feeling of uncertainty feels like.

The sun was shining on Saturday and I was home in our apartment feeling anxious. I scrolled through Facebook and I saw a friend of a friend proudly posting a picture of herself in the sun with the text: “Life goes on like normal in Berlin.”

A bit further down: a picture of a crowd of people standing close to each other in a queue to buy ice cream.

Didn’t they read the news?  I thought to myself.

My Swedish friend reacted surprisingly on my decision to stay at home even though I’m not sick or haven’t been in contact with someone who is.

I read letters online, written by Italians who reported how they waited too long before they acted and advised Germans not to wait for the government to make a decision.

Who should you listen to? Who should you believe?

In the end you can only do what you believe is right. I decided to do what I felt was responsible in this situation. That also meant facing my fears.

Can you be with what is actually happening around us right now?

It is very challenging and I still invite you to try to feel what you feel.

It’s okay to be afraid.

Share with a trusted friend or your partner.

The more we share our fears, the less we panic and act in illogical ways.

What else can we do to stay calm?

Research shows that having compassion for others allows your brain to calm down a little bit. How can you show compassion for yourself and others right now?

Help an elderly neighbor.

Go online and buy a voucher at a local store.

Show the people you live with that you care.

Stay connected with friends.

Call your parents more often.

Take a regular online Pilates class.

Do a daily check-in with yourself and see how you feel emotionally and physically.

Be kind to yourself.

Love boosts your immune system!

Reconnect with what matters the most

Let’s see this situation as an invitation to ask ourselves: what matters the most?

We are learning now that life is profoundly uncertain, that we often take life for granted. This can be a beautiful opportunity to reconnect with what matters most for us.

Many of us asked for peace and quiet, and here we are. The streets are emptier and emptier, and we are having a break from social gatherings.

Let us use this time to practice gratefulness and compassion towards others as well as ourselves. Let us be alone with ourselves, in gratitude, without the distraction from outside.

Home retreat

As my dear friend used to say: “let’s make an event out of it”. In this spirit, I decided to change the word “quarantine” to “home retreat”. This will be a retreat with my family where we will reconnect with each other and do the things we have been postponing because we have been too busy.

I’m sure it won’t be all easy and beautiful, because when we are slowing down and being with what actually is happening, different kinds of emotions show up.

I’m sure we will all come out stronger from this. In every crisis there is a chance.