The online courses and events are shooting out of the ground like mushrooms in a warm rain! People seem to be as busy as ever, now going out not physically but digitally.

After taking some time last week to feel what I really need, I realized that in this Covid-19 crisis:

I crave connection.

I crave intimacy.

I crave telephone calls with close friends.

I crave Zoom calls with small groups.

I crave cuddles.

I crave real conversations.

I crave simplicity.

How about you? How are you feeling in this crisis?

Last week I wrote about the importance of caring for yourself first so that you can be there for others. I decided to make a couple of rules, which I feel have had a good impact on my health:

Do one thing a day only for pleasure. Forget about being productive or reaching goals and choose to do something only because you love it! You could eat your favorite chocolate, watch a series on Netflix or read a novel.

Do one thing a day only for your body. With so much sitting indoors we need to move. Find an online Pilates class, dance to your favorite song or take a walk.

Check in with yourself every day to see how you feel. Holding back how you feel for too long will make you feel tense and uneasy. Checking in with yourself will stop you from bottling up your feelings.

Do one thing a day for others. Compassion helps our brain to rest a bit. See how you could be of service to others. Maybe help a neighbor, call a friend who feels anxious, tell someone how much that person means to you or offer your expertise to a colleague.

Read news only twice daily. Control how much you read the news. Make sure you don’t check social media too often and avoid getting into a discussion with people who think differently about this crisis.

When I keep to these rules I worry less and can be there for myself as well as for others. My experience is that when we concentrate on fewer things we end up having more energy and feeling less stressed.

In times of crisis we primarily have to think of our basic needs such as SLEEP, FOOD and LOVE.

When we sleep enough, eat well and give and receive love, we not only protect ourselves from the virus but also from staying in fear for too long.

My first week was about calming the feeling of panic, the second week was about allowing myself not to be a superhuman and acknowledge my feelings, and now, in this third week I’m ready to add something new to my schedule.

Is your need to help aligned with your own resourcefulness?

I heard this question during a podcast last week and I decided that I would check in with my resourcefulness before I offered something new. I feel ready to ask myself now how I can be of service to people outside of my family and my current clients.

Coaching offer:

If you are in need of support right now or know someone who is I offer one-on-one coaching sessions either at my practice in Berlin or over Skype. Schedule a free of charge consultation to see how we could work together: https://calendly.com/katarinastoltz

Stay healthy!

Today I received a notification on my mobile phone: Your screen time was up 47% last week.

I guess most of you feel the same when I say I have never experienced something like this before. I don’t even have to write the C word, you all know what I mean.

At first, it all seemed like a big exaggeration. I was still distanced from it all and couldn’t register the actual severity of it. It happened in Italy but it won’t happen to me.

Did you also have this attitude? Or maybe still have it? We all react differently to this unexpected situation.

Some start panicking.

Some wait for more facts.

Some binge on news articles until 3.30 in the morning.

Some deny what’s happening and call others paranoid.

Some meditate and stay calm.

It all shows how differently we react when we feel anxious. Where there is fear, there is no logic.

I have been in voluntary quarantine since Saturday

On Friday, I went grocery shopping with my daughter. My husband was still in Japan on a business trip. Walking around the store and deciding what my family would need for the next weeks was surreal.

I started to think of my grandparents who survived the Second World War in Poland. Not because this is close to what they went through, but now I have an idea about what that terrible feeling of uncertainty feels like.

The sun was shining on Saturday and I was home in our apartment feeling anxious. I scrolled through Facebook and I saw a friend of a friend proudly posting a picture of herself in the sun with the text: “Life goes on like normal in Berlin.”

A bit further down: a picture of a crowd of people standing close to each other in a queue to buy ice cream.

Didn’t they read the news?  I thought to myself.

My Swedish friend reacted surprisingly on my decision to stay at home even though I’m not sick or haven’t been in contact with someone who is.

I read letters online, written by Italians who reported how they waited too long before they acted and advised Germans not to wait for the government to make a decision.

Who should you listen to? Who should you believe?

In the end you can only do what you believe is right. I decided to do what I felt was responsible in this situation. That also meant facing my fears.

Can you be with what is actually happening around us right now?

It is very challenging and I still invite you to try to feel what you feel.

It’s okay to be afraid.

Share with a trusted friend or your partner.

The more we share our fears, the less we panic and act in illogical ways.

What else can we do to stay calm?

Research shows that having compassion for others allows your brain to calm down a little bit. How can you show compassion for yourself and others right now?

Help an elderly neighbor.

Go online and buy a voucher at a local store.

Show the people you live with that you care.

Stay connected with friends.

Call your parents more often.

Take a regular online Pilates class.

Do a daily check-in with yourself and see how you feel emotionally and physically.

Be kind to yourself.

Love boosts your immune system!

Reconnect with what matters the most

Let’s see this situation as an invitation to ask ourselves: what matters the most?

We are learning now that life is profoundly uncertain, that we often take life for granted. This can be a beautiful opportunity to reconnect with what matters most for us.

Many of us asked for peace and quiet, and here we are. The streets are emptier and emptier, and we are having a break from social gatherings.

Let us use this time to practice gratefulness and compassion towards others as well as ourselves. Let us be alone with ourselves, in gratitude, without the distraction from outside.

Home retreat

As my dear friend used to say: “let’s make an event out of it”. In this spirit, I decided to change the word “quarantine” to “home retreat”. This will be a retreat with my family where we will reconnect with each other and do the things we have been postponing because we have been too busy.

I’m sure it won’t be all easy and beautiful, because when we are slowing down and being with what actually is happening, different kinds of emotions show up.

I’m sure we will all come out stronger from this. In every crisis there is a chance.

What’s on your list of things to give up this year? It’s the time of year again when I look back at my year and choose my biggest learning. The best way to clear out negativity from 2019 is to honor your experience and celebrate your learning’s. Today I am inspired by Danielle LaPorte and I have created a “Giving It Up list”.

“Letting go doesn’t mean forgetting, it just means we stop carrying the energy of the past into the present” – Yung Pueblo

The purpose of completing your year is to appreciate your journey and celebrate the successes on your way. It also helps you reframe your failures, instead of failures I invite you to look at them as “lessons learned”.

My personal journey

For me two things, my health, and my professional expansion have dominated this year. My body has shown clear symptoms when I have put too much pressure on myself and I will carry the lesson “slow down” into my choices 2020.

My coaching business has expanded based on three things: I feel more confident in my role as a Coach, I let go of an extra job I had, and therefore had more time to focus on what I really love and I have moved into a new practice space.

After four years I have successfully finished my Gestalt therapy training and in January I will start to work as a therapist.

I have learned that when I got in touch with my passion from childhood and focused on my calling rather than trying to make a career, I felt much calmer and more satisfied.

I will use my learning’s from 2019 to set myself up for a fulfilling 2020. Will you join me to start the new decade with more energy and less guilt, regret and resentment?

Powerful questions to ask yourself:

GET READY. Arrive. Put on some relaxing music, pour yourself a hot beverage, let go of all expectations, and take your time to answer each question.

What was the biggest lesson you learned in 2019?

What was the wisest decision you made?

What was the biggest risk you took?

What is the best thing you discovered about yourself?

Which situations/activities drained you?

What were you not able to accomplish?

Which was your hardest challenge?

What are you most grateful for?

Answering those questions enables you to learn what to give up on in 2019 and will give you space for new creations in 2020.

My 2019 learning’s

Last year my best learning was “I can set healthy boundaries and still be a loving person”. This year has also been a lot about boundaries, but even more about trusting my instincts.

I used to overthink all my decisions and ask everyone for their opinion. I undervalued my own instincts. I always, and I mean always, had doubts that my opinion really mattered.

When I was about to write my Psychotherapy Thesis this year, I could not choose which video to use for my analysis. I was paralyzed with fear. Not until I finally wrote about the ambivalence and made it part of my Thesis, I could let go.

This year I have learned to be truer towards myself and others and I took a huge step towards trusting my inner voice. My best learning during 2019 is:

Unclear is unkind. Trusting my instinct and speaking my truth will always lead me to more of what I need in my life.

My “Giving It Up” list

I give up judgments that keep me separate from other humans. I have learned how my projections on others have separated me from feeling connected.

I give up self-doubt. Just because everyone I meet is not giving me a high five, doesn’t mean that I should doubt myself.

I give up being right. I rather feel free and light.

I give up hustling for self-worth. I will not proof my self-worth with trying to do and be perfect. I have learned that perfection is not about high standards; it’s rather about anxiety.

I give up being too serious. Life is too short and I want to laugh more.

I give up second-guessing that I deserve respect.

I give up what people think of me. I will not try so hard to polish my image in everyone else’s eyes.

I give up staying up too late because I owe something more to the day that I just gave my everything to.

I give up explaining myself more than once why I choose to say NO. I would rather not explain myself at all. No justification or defense is needed.

I give up the pressure that I have to read the news and watch violent movies.

I give up believing that my husband will automatically understand what’s in my head. I have learned to say: “I don’t need you to solve my problem, I just need you to listen and give me a hug.”

I give up sulking. If someone hurts me, I don’t store up the hatred and the hurt for months. I don’t expect others to know what’s wrong. I tell them straight and if they don’t get it, I forgive them.

I give up over performing. I forgive myself when I don’t YET know how to do something. I take one thing at a time, no need to have it all figured out YET.

I give up trusting doctors who tell me I shall go to work the day after surgery. TRUST my INSTINCT. Staying in bed for two weeks after my surgery was the wisest decision I took this year. I forgive my doctor, he probably did not know better.

I give up the belief that I should handle all duties myself. Sometimes this year I got help with cooking from the amazing Rita. I finally gave in and let my husband buy a robot vacuum cleaner!

Create your own list

Create your own list and see how you have grown personally and professionally and what you need to leave behind to feel lighter and more energized.

Moving forward

If you wish to get support to start the new decade with less resentment or guilt, schedule a free of charge coaching consultation:

https://calendly.com/katarinastoltz

Wishing you a peaceful ending of 2019 and looking forward to share more insights and learning’s in 2020!