TIME TO THRIVE BLOG
Lessons from a Life Coach: SLOW SUCCESS – tips for entrepreneurs and mothers
Some time ago I was asked this question during an interview: “How do you deal with the ongoing changes in your life and still be able to maintain a balanced lifestyle?” Lately I have become more and more busy with my work as a Life Coach and I have been challenged to juggle between work, family, friends and other commitments. I want to share some of my thoughts about Work-Life Balance and give you some tips on the way.
Balanced lifestyle…does it exist?
Our perfectionist culture today focuses so much on the idea of “balance”, but often chasing this state leaves us the feeling of failure. And trying to find this balance just adds stress to our lives.
I think that the concept “life work balance” is a myth, it doesn’t exist. If we instead look at everything in our lives as “life” and aim to only choose people we really want to have in our lives and jobs we are passionate about, we don’t need to try to find more balance.
As a mother and an entrepreneur I am daily challenged to make choices how to use my time. I want to develop my new business as a Life Coach, spend time with my daughter and husband, friends, and have time for my own personal development taking part in workshops and retreats.
I’m sure many of you know this feeling of wanting a lot and not knowing how to find time for it all.
Doing less of what we don’t want
“I wish that the day had more than 24 hours” I hear a lot from friends and clients.
That means that we want to have more time to do more. I think that the trick is to DO LESS of what we don’t want, so that there will be more time to do more of what really matters.
After becoming a Facebook member a couple of months ago, I realized how many different events are going on where I live. I could go to a networking event every day if I wanted.
How can we as entrepreneurs decide which events to go to?
How can we as entrepreneurs AND mothers stay calm while seeing many of our colleagues having much more time to develop their businesses?
One of my colleagues wrote in a Facebook post “when I almost collapsed on Friday I decided to stay all weekend in bed”. Reading this I felt triggered. As a mother of a 5-year old, I can’t decide to just spend my weekend in bed (unless I am very ill and my husband is not travelling)
“All stress comes from wanting something to be different than it is”
Being upset for not being able to spend a weekend in bed when I need it, doesn’t help. That just adds stress to my life. What I can do is becoming better at focusing on what really matters in my life.
A new way of relating
I saw an interview with the entrepreneur and mother Liz Long, who talked about a mantra she practices which she calls “SLOW SUCCESS”.
She said “as a mother of a small child, I often feel stressed to over perform and I start comparing myself to others. I constantly have to remind myself which phase of my life I am in”.
I believe that “slow success” is for all women, who feel a need to enter a state of more ease and flow in their lives.
How can we remove the trivial and focus on what adds value? I want to share with you what supports me to focus on what really matters.
- Just because you are good at something and people want you to do it, doesn’t mean that you always have to do it. I’m very good at organizing events, both private and business. For years I have been organizing friends reunions, family holidays, play dates for my daughter, mums meet ups, after work drinks and various networking events. The last couple of months I am doing it less and now I delegate as much as I can to others.
- Ask yourself the question “Is this activity adding value to my business/life?” When you are making a decision, be honest to yourself. Is this something, which really interest you? It’s easy to say yes because a friend is going or it’s something that you think you should do.
- Get rid of the clutter in your house. To be able to feel what is important to you, it’s good to get rid of stuff in your house, which you don’t need anymore. This way you don’t only free up physical space, but you also will have fewer thoughts in your head dealing with “old stuff”. For me cleaning my desk or wardrobe gives me a sense of clarity what to do next.
- Identify your people. Who brings out the best in you? It’s easy to keep on hanging out with people because they have been your friends for a long time. Or you might feel a pressure that you need to join certain job events, or need to hang out with mothers because you became a mother yourself. Since I became aware of having belly pain while meeting some people, I started to see them less or not at all. Now I have created more room in my life for people who bring out the best in me.
- Take regular time to take care of yourself. To avoid feeling exhausted and to be able to focus and gain clarity, we need to take good care of our mental and physical health.
Mental health: Read challenging books, get support from a Life Coach/Therapist, go for a retreat, spend time in nature, take a bath, meditate or practice yoga, meet friends you can laugh with.
Physical health: Jogging, Pilates, drink 1,5 to 2 liters of water a day, observe your body how it’s reacting eating different kinds of foods.
- Practice acceptance. Everything in life, friendships, love relationships, businesses, parenthood, take time to grow. When we try to push something or someone into growing, it becomes a struggle and we end up exhausted. When we surrender and accept that everything in life need to grow slowly (like any plant), then everything feels easier and there is more flow. When I am stuck or unhappy with a situation I often remind myself that whatever I can’t influence, I let go.
- With your business, focus on giving a clear message, not to do it perfect. This is something, that challenges me daily. Usually I spend too much time to work on details, I want a project or a text to be perfect before I present or publish it. Instead I’m now now practicing to focus on giving a clear message and drop the idea of something to be perfect.
Awareness is the first step
I am working on finding time for everything I love doing and saying NO to what doesn’t serve my well-being, but I’m not punishing myself when I am not. Becoming aware of our priorities and accept that creating a life you love to live takes time, is a first step in the right direction.
Where are you in your life right now?
If you need support to gain more clarity which your priorities are and learn how to create more time for the things that matter, I offer one-to-one coaching sessions. Book a free consultation here:
Hello, I’m Katarina Stoltz, a life coach and psychotherapist helping ambitious professionals prioritise their well-being so they can achieve fulfillment without burning out.
Welcome to The Time To Thrive Blog, where I share real-life stories and offer valuable and practical tips for how to prevent burnout, expand your self awareness and start living your vision.
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