How to Find Time For Your Relationship

I look at the sea from the little sand dune where we’re hiding from the sun under a tree. Bright spots shine like diamonds on the water’s surface. No loud music, no plastic pop-it toys. Just him and me and some other tourists at a far distance.

No easy distractions: meal planning, social media or ‘I forgot to send that email’. No daughter screaming “MAMA!!” from the other end of our apartment while I’m in the shower.

I’ve decided to make time for my romantic relationship. Not just a date night. I’m talking one week of uninterrupted time – where I embrace both silence and long conversations. A proper break from to-do lists and never-ending parent logistics.

No matter how much I work on it, I still sometimes fall into the busyness trap. You know when you stay so busy that the truth of your hurting or your fear can never catch up?

Can you relate?

Yesterday I read in Brene Brown’s book, Daring Greatly, about the most dangerous betrayal in relationships: ‘I’m talking about betrayal of disengagement. Of not caring. Of letting the connection go. Of not being willing to devote time and effort to the relationship.’

Devote time. For me that is not ‘I’m home most evenings a week’ kind of devotion. It’s about really making an effort to carve out time for engagement.

Being in atypical relationships my whole life: long distance, musician on tour, bartender with night shifts, and then deciding to marry someone who travels a few months a year – I’m used to being alone. It has become my natural state of being. It’s been a choice AND an escape.

As someone who grew up with the myth ‘I can do it all alone’, it’s been easy to fool myself that this lifestyle was making me happy. The price I paid for it – loneliness.

Today, I know how much connection matters.

Today, I know I can’t do it all alone.

Today, I devote time. I put effort into my romantic relationship. I show up. I dare to be vulnerable. I still catch myself disappearing into my ‘self-development bubble’ and I disconnect. Books. Trainings. Writing. But, more often than before, I put down my book when I see that my husband has something to share with me.

The ‘opportunities for engagement’ have become my way forward. This is how I work on trust and connection.

I’m curious about you, what have you discovered makes a big difference in your relationship?

If you are struggling to make the time to engage in relationships, let’s talk. I invite you to book a free coaching consultation with me here: https://calendly.com/katarinastoltz

Love,

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